Well, I'm trying to nurse again. I know, indecisive. I gave up too soon and I know it. I should have at least kept pumping and I didn't. So now I have to work twice as hard to get my milk back.
I'm kind of a quitter my nature and I HATE that about myself. I have gotten so much better as I've gotten older, but it's still there a little. I remember when I was young I would quit games if I was losing or get off my bike in the middle of a hill because I didn't think I would make it. I don't do stuff like that any more, but there are definitely times when I just say that quitting would be easier so I'll just do that. I get way too stressed too easily. That's what happened. I got overly stressed trying to get him to nurse so I just stopped. In the moment I thought that was what was best. Now I know better. And I'm mad at myself over it.
I'm doing all I know to do to get my milk back at this point. Eating oatmeal, taking Fenugreek and I've rented a mega double pump from the hospital. I'm trying to get Aiden to suckle when he will, but there are literally only drops in there so that doesn't make him very happy most of the time.
I've gotten pretty emotional over it the last few days. Just thinking how much better it would have been if I wouldn't have stopped. And what if I can't get it back all the way? What if it takes months, will I keep trying or give up again? It feels like I'm having the emotional roller coaster I should have had right after birth now at two months, blah! If you think about it, would you pray for me? I could sure use it, thanks!
Sorry my posts have been kinda downer lately, I'm going to work on it I promise!
On the up side I'm going to be staring a weight loss program soon. Updates will be on my inCONCEIVEable blog, so stay tuned!
Here is one of my latest pictures of Aiden to leave you with on a {Not So} Wordless Wednesday.
2 comments:
no reason to apologize for being a downer... sometimes life throws us curveballs and it's good to be honest about it. Atleast that's my mantra!
I'll be praying your supply increases. And if it doesn't come back, don't kick yourself over it. You're still a good mom regardless of what he gets! He is PRECIOUS... I can't wait till Connor smiles consistently. I've only gotten a few out of him, but they are worth it!
Trust me...I am with you on the emotional roller coaster. I am so attached to the idea of Nursing, but NOTHING is working for me. My supply has been so small from the beginning that I feel like I've been fighting a hopeless battle. I am so confused on whether to stop or not. I will be returning to work as soon as I find a job and I don't know if I can keep this up. Plus the last week or so Jaden is refusing to do it?! I never thought something so beautiful could be so heartbreaking! Best of luck with it!
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