Leader or Armor Bearer?

So today I had an epiphany....but I get ahead of myself. First I'll give you some history about myself.

Everyone has always told me I'm a leader. I tend to corral people into the direction the group should be going. I step up if a leader is needed. Sometime - some people say - I tell people what to do :) But in all honesty, I've never liked that role for myself. I don't thrive on being a leader. I get stressed and don't like the confrontation that comes with it. This is true in my work, in my church, and even really in my family (even though some may dispute that point).

Years ago I was an armor bearer to the Youth Pastor and the Music Pastor (husband and wife) in our church. For those of you who don't know what an armor bearer is, let me explain. An armor bearer carries the armor. He goes out before the King or General to protect him from harm. He does anything, including giving his own life, for the person he is protecting. To read an amazing story of an armor bearer, read 1 Samuel 14. So in today's terms, an armor bearer is a protector, a boundary guard and an ultimate support.

I spent hours and hours working for these two amazing people. I volunteered my services. I thrived. I even quit my job to work for them when they decided to pursue their personal ministry (that didn't work out unfortunately). But in the end, I was young and I failed. I do believe it was God's timing that I move on and let someone else take that role, but it didn't happen in the right way. I hurt them and to this day I am very sorry for it.

Ever since then I have not been an armor bearer to anyone else. But, when I took on an leadership role, God had already provided an armor bearer for me. I did worship for a small women's conference a month after we moved to Idaho. God spoke to a lady that weekend. She came to me and told me she would do whatever it took to support me in leading worship. To this day she is one of my dearest friends. We are each others "Idaho BFF's" - both of us having BFF's in another state.

Shortly after that conference, we became the Worship Leaders at our church. I love leading worship, it's my passion in life. But I didn't love being in charge. I struggled with it and fought my flesh. I thought I just needed to learn and get over it because I know that God has called me to be a Worship Leader. That only lasted about a year because we got burnt out and had a different vision than the pastor.

I have since struggled with where I belong in regards to worship. Right now I am a part of an awesome team and I am loving my role. But I've been confused with why I'm loving my role. If I know God called me to be a Worship Leader, then why am I content not leading? It helps that we have two of the most amazing people as our leaders - no joke! They are seriously awesome and I love learning and growing under their leadership. I know we all go through times of growing and times of shining, so I just figured this was my time of growing.


Today I had an epiphany. I'm not a leader....I am an armor bearer! Our Worship Leader called me about something that had nothing do to with church, but another issue all together. It connected with an issue she was having at church (she's also the church administrator). I immediately got defensive for her. I got emotionally upset because of what has happened to her and the stress it has caused her. I immediately stepped in to help however I could. Walking away from that conversation it hit me. I'm an armor bearer, not a leader. I AM and armor bearer! That is my calling. That is what is in me. That is where I get passionate. I'm not sure why it took me this long to figure out, but God's timing is perfect. He reveals things to us when we are ready and willing to hear. I'm ready to listen. I'm ready to thrive in my calling. I'm ready to embrace my role and get going.

Thank You Lord for revealing this to me. I hate that my friend had to experience so much stress for me to find this out about myself. I pray that she will be renewed today. I pray that you will align things in her favor to relieve the stress that is out of her control. Cover her with your peace. In Jesus name, AMEN!